March 15, 1970

Dear Diary,

Why is it that women fall to my feet? I wake up at night sometimes surrounded in my own sweat. Sheesh, I hope our new client Miss Barret won't be turned off by the smell of my sweat. I know she likes me. In fact, I can feel her vibe or aura as the we in the spook business say. I was so desperate to find out if she really likes me, I dialed 1-900-PSYCHICBABE. Trust me, I'm no fool, I asked Walter Peck if he wouldn't mind giving me his telephone number since he is accusing the GB's of serious environmental issues.

Somehow, it's illegal to write down what I so slyly did to Peck. I managed to screw the system and get my good friends downtown at New York Telephone to ring the call through on Peck's bill. I spoke for about four hours on the psychic hotline and this chick was loving me. She was giving me all these tips on how to seduce Dana. All I see is a big D, a little A, a big N, and another A. DANA. DANA, DANA, DANA. If I was Bill Shakespeare, I would write this down DANA & PETE 1984. She has the prettiest eyes and curliest hair.

She had mentioned to me her favorite film is ALIEN by Ridley Scott. The buggers scare the hell out of me so I chose not to rent it from the local video store. Ray had told me how scary this film is. I'm not whimping out here, and most know that this is not my style. Even Egon wouldn't touch ALIEN let alone the horror section. He's more of a BRAVO or Channel Thirteen buff. I would never charge the pledges of Channel Thirteen on my MasterCard.

Okay, okay, so I'm rambling on again, ooops, there I go again, daydreaming and not concentrating on paranormal investigations. Would it be wrong of me to tell you now diary that I had a crush on that cute librarian in the New York Public library who was nearly raped by a female ghost? Whoa. . . uh on that note.

Dr. V.

March 15, 1970

Dear Diary,

It's another day. I actually woke up. My heart continues to beat uncontrollably for Samantha Simmons, a girl who I sit with in English class. She has pretty blonde hair and dresses like a little angel. By the way, I had a dejavu yet again. I dreamt that I was zapping some man with a large afro hair construction. It was a frightening dream, but a pretty blonde woman sat across from me and smiled, then I asked her out to dinner. How I wish this was true. I haven't even had a date yet. Perhaps, I am not pushing to the best of my abilities. For example, Samantha likes the jocks on the football team. She is not the type of woman who wants to see Ray Stantz following her around trying to make conclusions that she is possessed by a demi-God named Zuel. Ray tends to poke and stick people often and sometimes, it has even cost him a slap in the face. I had the opportunity to visit little Egon Spengler, in this case, known as the Coke Bottle kid. Mrs. Spengler answered the door and I asked if Egon was able to come out to play some stickball. She told me to immediately come in, and prepared myself by placing safety goggles on. I smelled an unusual stench coming from the kitchen. It must be true. He was living up to his dream, to be a scientist and researcher. I asked "What are you doing Egon?" He replied back. "I'm melting plastic and testing its therma-nuclear temperature." That was what smelled horrible, the plastic. It was bubbling. Then once again, I experienced dejavu. I imagined seeing myself singing to a toaster and it jumping up and down on a pool table. Frightened by all this psychic phenomena, I asked Spengler to see if there was a cattle prod around to poke me. He said "You're not worth the buzz." Anyways, as I was saying in the introduction to this lengthy diary entry, I am madly in love with Samantha Simmions, this beautiful girl in my English class. Suddenly, I felt something I never felt before in Š..Maybe I should not say this ever again because if Mom or Dad finds this diary they will not allow me to pursue my dream after high school at Columbia University, where I know eventually, I'll become the party animal I have always desired to be. I am tired of being sheltered like Spengler, and look what happened to him! He's melting Plastic and Stantz is probing people because he thinks their possessed! What to do Diary! What to Do!

You have read a piece of my humble collection of diary entries which you absolutely love. And now ladies for your reading pleasure I will answer any questions you may have about your LOVE LIFE.

Dear Dr. Venkman,

Lately, I have been looking for a man that will provide me the love and attention you give your Dana Barret. Can you give me some advice Dr. Venkman that will help me find your clone?

Sincerely, Cloning USA

Dear Cloning USA:

I am sorry, but there is only one me and I'm not available, but if you ever fly off your bed and perhaps turn a dog, then maybe I will consider asking you out on a date.

Signed, Dr. V

Dear Dr. Venkman:

I think you are one of the most unscientific, unprofessional, and outrageous men I have ever had the opportunity of reading about. Where do you get off with your huge ego and disgusting hair piece? Who do you think you are? I am the DIVA and you make me look so bad. What is your problem? I cannot work with this material!

Sincerely, Lucy Lu, Actress

Dear Lucy Lu,

I'm sorry there is no hope for you.

Signed Dr. V