The Rude Report
September 30, 2000Okay, in this week's column I have a few things I need to get off my chest. And our worst nightmares come true...why Bill, why? A revamping of my "dream cast", A new Ghostbsuters trailer, And just a few other little ramblings that I've had on my mind that I'd like to throw out there..so, in the immortal words of Bruce Campbell, "Come get some"
Okay, before I talk about anything else, I have to comment on something that has nothing at all to do with Ghostbusters. I hate to do it, but I have to get this out in the open. And that is the MTV Awards. The show stunk to high heaven..with one exception. And that one exception was Britney Spears. I love Britney Spears, okay, DEAL WITH IT! And my main gripe is this. After the show, I got online, and all you heard was "OH, BRITNEY IS SUCH A SLUT!" Now, Christina Aguilera also performed, and her performance was so much more sexual than Britney's. She sings about "doing the devil's work" and things of that nature....people are such hypocrites. I mean, if you want to call somebody a slut, call Christina Gaguilera one.
Alright, thank you for bearing with me there. I had to rant about that.
I had a recent Ghostbusters siting...and at the greatest place in the world. St.Louis Cardinals' home, Busch Stadium. After our National League Central Division Champions clinched, all of the news channels had special reports from outside the stadium. Well, as the NBC affiliate reported during the fanfare, in the background, a 59' Caddy Ambulance went blaring by...Ghostbusters Logo and all. My two favorite things in the world, combined into one, GOD BLESS AMERICA! PS: CARDINALS ALL THE WAY!
One glorious summer morning I signed onto the net, and went to Aint-it-cool-news as usual. I was browsing all of the day's inside Hollywood news, and to my horror, I saw a headline that said something along the lines of, "GHOSTBUSTERS 3 DEAD" Well, as soon as I changed my pants I clicked and read the article, and to my shock, it largely blames Bill Murray. Now, I am a HUGE Murray fan. Not just in Ghostbusters, but in EVERY other movie he has been in. I have been such a big supporter of his. I even liked "Wild Things" and not just cause of the lesbo scenes..well that was mainly why...but that movie SUCKED, but he was in it, and I went to see it. I paid $7 to see that crap just so I could keep my record of seeing every one of his movies. I defend him at all costs. And then he stabs us in the back like this?! How could he? We have supported him...we bought his book, went to his movies, watched him on TV...And now this? What kind of thank you is this? I hate to do this...but from this day forth, I am boycotting all new Bill Murray vehicles. I will not go see his movies, I will not watch him on TV. Not until Ghostbusters 3 is made, and he is in it. And if Columbia keeps being jerks about this, I just might boycott their movies too. Now, I don't expect any of you to follow me on my quest for the holy land..but I would like a few of you in my posse. Join me my disturbed brothers and sisters, FOLLOW ME TO FREEDOM! God, I feel like such a leader. But its rather sad, because I realize that nobody will stand by my side. Oh well, back to the drawing board. When does Charlie's Angels come out again?
On to the whole "McFarlane" debacle. Now, from what I understand, Columbia won't let him make Ghostbusters figures. That's what I'm gathering from this whole situation. WHAT IS THEIR PROBLEM?! They aren't using the name anymore, they won't do anything with it..let somebody bring a little more glory to our boys in gray. Let them live on..instead, what does Columbia do, let them gather dust in the bargain basement along with Judge Reinhold's career. (Hey, I liked Beverly Hills Cop 1&2 as much as the next guy, but come on). They obviously don't want any of us to enjoy Ghostbusters any more. They gave us the DVD's, and we practically had to beg for those. I've signed so many different petitions to get those toys made its not even funny. Because "The Real Ghostbusters" figures just are the representation I want. In twenty years, I don't want people looking back at the entire Ghostbusters franchise and see a blonde Egon. Its just not right. I mean, when did Ray gain an extra 50 pounds and shrink a foot? I didn't like how they looked then, and I really hate how they look now. I want a brown-headed Egon. We've earned that right at least. A proton pack, where they actually have to hold the neutrona wand with both hands, instead of it attaching to their right arm like some kind of demented Mega Man Buster Arm. And a proton pack that doesn't clamp INto their backs. I mean, that used to frighten me as a child. I don't want to plug this thing into their backs. How would I like it if some guy walked up to me with a backpack with a giant bolt on the front of it and jam it into my spine. I wouldn't like it one bit. I'll wind this little rambling up, cause I could go on forever. In closing...LET THEM MAKE THE FRIGGIN TOYS!
I was tinkering around with the Specail Edition of Men In Black recently, I watched the movie with the audio commentary..and wow, its awful. It is so boring. AND NOT 1 REFERENCE TO GHOSTBUSTERS! Well, I was pretty peeved about that, until I popped in the second disk. There is a section called "MIB Reccomends" well, I figured it would be Will Smith movie trailers. There was one of those, and a couple of other crappy movies..and there it was. GHOSTBUSTERS. Now, I figured it was the same one that was on the GB DVD. But its not. It is a special 15th Anniversary Trailer. It is awesome. I messed myself when I saw it. All of the scenes in it are all off the DVD, so the picutre quality is perfect. So, for no other reason, rent the Special Edition of MIB(the all black box) and watch this trailer over and over. And maybe use the other disc as a coaster or something.
For the past year everyone has told me how great the "Evil Dead" trilogy is. Our own webmaster, Troy, (got that right - Ed) picked Bruce Campbell as one of his "dream cast" and now I know why. Army of Darkness is one of the greatest movies ever made. Now, I don't mean great, as in "Godfather great"...but just great. Its alot of fun to watch. So..I'd like to Recast my movie..
Bruce Campbell- Chainsaw on one hand, shotgun in the other, and a proton pack on his back..good times =)
David Duchovney- Still like the idea of "The GB-Files" okay, that was corny, sue me. (please don't, we got arrested at night - Ed)
Will Smith- Keep in mind, this is a DREAM cast
Vince Vaughn- He would be so money and he wouldn't even know it (Swingers reference)
Quote of the week, "Hail to the king baby." -Ash (Army of Darkness)
Okay, I'm glad I got that out of the way. Well, ladies and gentlemen, that's it. The second look into my freakish, twisted mind. Next time you'll know to wear your slickers and boots..cause its a mess in here.
Email me with comments, suggestions, questions, or recipes at: BigD63026@aol.com